It’s Not Love, Just Overwhelming Feelings

I’ve never really been in love.

It was never love, just overwhelming feelings.

Maybe this is the reason I was never meant to fall in love; my feelings are like waterfalls—always overwhelming, endlessly rushing. They can never be grasped by anyone, even myself.

I can [fall in love] have deep feelings for moments, even the fleeting ones that people easily forget have the power to be etched in my memory.

I can [fall in love] have deep feelings for things that eventually become memorabilia—books, gifts and souvenirs that tell stories from different chapters of my life. Sometimes, I crave to touch them when I get sentimental.

But always, I can [fall in love] have deep feelings for people who I may or may not have had personal encounters with. It can take me a year, a day, or even a minute (that will always feel like forever) for me to develop these feelings. Many times, I thought I was falling in love but I never really knew what love is and maybe I never will. Now I think I understand that it was never love, just incomprehensible, overwhelming feelings.

Feelings that can consume my whole being. Feelings that can make me short of breathe, weak in the knees, or at times, bring a tear or two in my eyes. I “fall in love” with ideas of people, versions of themselves my mind created to fit my own ideals and stories that led me to get these rushing feelings. I really hope I’m slowly discovering an explanation for always falling. That will make me less crazy, more human.

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